Hey all,
Short entry. Just want to let you all know I won't be writing on here anymore. Got sick of Blogger and wanted to try something new.
You can now find my blog here: http://littlespastic.wordpress.com/
So far I only have the most recent posts and the earliest posts. Middle ones will hopefully be up soon. I'll leave this post up for a month or so and then I'll be deleting this blog completely so if you would (for those of you who actually read this) please leave a comment on either this website or my new one to let me know you saw this message. Thanks!
LittleSpastic Out.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Back to square one...
It has long been my dream to build my own little ecosystem. I want to buy a piece of land and on it have a garden where I would grow all the fruits and vegetables and nuts I would ever want so I would never have to buy anything from the store ever again.
This dream started as a response to my Father's conspiracy theories, my Grandfather's rants about how nothing in the grocery store was safe to eat anymore due to pesticides and hormones, and my own understanding (even as a small child) that humanity's actions could only lead to the destruction of the world. I decided that the only way to live safely in this world was to grow everything myself. This dream changed over the years, adopting further dimension from my fascination and love for the history of the native Americans, and gaining determination from my desire to "Save Mother Earth" by taking no more than I was willing to give back (or in my case, take no more than I had already put there to begin with). And now, thanks to my interaction with the All Organic Whole Foods crowd, I am finally gaining the know-how and motivation to put it into practice.
Along the road to achieving my goal, I've hit a few potholes. The first problem spot was when I witnessed a cow being butchered at a classmate's farm and realized (while watching the blood pour onto the ground and just before I blacked out) that I would never be able to kill an animal for meat. I considered becoming a vegetarian (and I'm still considering it) but I had a close friend who was a vegetarian and therefore got to witness first hand what a pain it could be to always have to warn people before you come over for dinner and always have to request special meals in the lunch room. Also, pasta just doesn't feel right without some sort of meat mixed in.
I solved that problem with fish. Now, I totally consider fish valid living creatures with souls and lives and I am 100% against them being killed needlessly...but for some reason I have no problem picking one up and smacking it's head against a rock and then roasting it over a fire and then picking the meat off it's bones while it's lifeless eyes stare back at me. Fish is the only creature I have no problem killing with my own two hands. I don't even like killing squirrels or bugs...I don't know why this is, and I'm trying very hard not to question it. There's a food out there that's full of good staying-alive nutrients and isn't terribly hard to cultivate that I'm not only okay with eating, I'm totally excited to eat it! Fish is, like, one of my top 5 foods, it even rivals chocolate. Maybe it's my cat-like personality? Whatever.
Anyway, pothole two arrived when I realized how much room a cow needs. Especially when you consider that my animal indulgent tendencies would demand that I get said cow a friend/boyfriend so it wouldn't be lonely (and/or to make little baby cows before the mommy cow died of old age...or for steaks). It occurred to me that a much simpler plan would be to get goats and drink goat milk. Problem solved, right? But first I must try goat's milk to make sure it was something I would be okay with drinking every day for the rest of my life. So I set off on my quest to buy Goat's Milk.
I was very puzzled by how difficult it is to find goat's milk in any grocery store, and also by the fact that, upon finding it at last, there was only one brand and it came in all sorts of strange fruity flavors (blueberry flavored milk? really?). However, after buying the only available bottle of plain flavored goat's milk, and upon trying a small sip of said milk, it all became clear. Answer: Goat's milk has the exact same taste as a tub of all natural plain yogurt I threw away immediately after opening it a few weeks back because I as convinced it was bad. This milk is brand new, so I would hope it's not bad. It just tastes like crap. And the blueberry flavoring totally makes sense now. Immediately after taking my first sip I started looking around for something I could mix it with to make it taste better.
Looks like I'm buying a cow.
LittleSpastic Out.
This dream started as a response to my Father's conspiracy theories, my Grandfather's rants about how nothing in the grocery store was safe to eat anymore due to pesticides and hormones, and my own understanding (even as a small child) that humanity's actions could only lead to the destruction of the world. I decided that the only way to live safely in this world was to grow everything myself. This dream changed over the years, adopting further dimension from my fascination and love for the history of the native Americans, and gaining determination from my desire to "Save Mother Earth" by taking no more than I was willing to give back (or in my case, take no more than I had already put there to begin with). And now, thanks to my interaction with the All Organic Whole Foods crowd, I am finally gaining the know-how and motivation to put it into practice.
Along the road to achieving my goal, I've hit a few potholes. The first problem spot was when I witnessed a cow being butchered at a classmate's farm and realized (while watching the blood pour onto the ground and just before I blacked out) that I would never be able to kill an animal for meat. I considered becoming a vegetarian (and I'm still considering it) but I had a close friend who was a vegetarian and therefore got to witness first hand what a pain it could be to always have to warn people before you come over for dinner and always have to request special meals in the lunch room. Also, pasta just doesn't feel right without some sort of meat mixed in.
I solved that problem with fish. Now, I totally consider fish valid living creatures with souls and lives and I am 100% against them being killed needlessly...but for some reason I have no problem picking one up and smacking it's head against a rock and then roasting it over a fire and then picking the meat off it's bones while it's lifeless eyes stare back at me. Fish is the only creature I have no problem killing with my own two hands. I don't even like killing squirrels or bugs...I don't know why this is, and I'm trying very hard not to question it. There's a food out there that's full of good staying-alive nutrients and isn't terribly hard to cultivate that I'm not only okay with eating, I'm totally excited to eat it! Fish is, like, one of my top 5 foods, it even rivals chocolate. Maybe it's my cat-like personality? Whatever.
Anyway, pothole two arrived when I realized how much room a cow needs. Especially when you consider that my animal indulgent tendencies would demand that I get said cow a friend/boyfriend so it wouldn't be lonely (and/or to make little baby cows before the mommy cow died of old age...or for steaks). It occurred to me that a much simpler plan would be to get goats and drink goat milk. Problem solved, right? But first I must try goat's milk to make sure it was something I would be okay with drinking every day for the rest of my life. So I set off on my quest to buy Goat's Milk.
I was very puzzled by how difficult it is to find goat's milk in any grocery store, and also by the fact that, upon finding it at last, there was only one brand and it came in all sorts of strange fruity flavors (blueberry flavored milk? really?). However, after buying the only available bottle of plain flavored goat's milk, and upon trying a small sip of said milk, it all became clear. Answer: Goat's milk has the exact same taste as a tub of all natural plain yogurt I threw away immediately after opening it a few weeks back because I as convinced it was bad. This milk is brand new, so I would hope it's not bad. It just tastes like crap. And the blueberry flavoring totally makes sense now. Immediately after taking my first sip I started looking around for something I could mix it with to make it taste better.
Looks like I'm buying a cow.
LittleSpastic Out.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Living Au Natural in a Synthetic Plastic World.
Lately I've been on a serious all-natural kick. My shampoo is all natural, my face wash and lotion is all natural...aaaaand that's all I've gotten to so far. I really wish everything in my home was 100% natural and made with ingredients I RECOGNIZE. No isopropyl and propylene glycol. What the fuck are those?
But it's just really hard to live all natural in the united states...especially when you're forced to live in the city because of your job and you're broke and crummy over-processed crap is way cheaper than all natural goodness.
(Little insert: check out this movie. It's not the best movie ever made by a long shot and the people kind of annoyed me but it has some good info and ideas and is a pretty good conversation starter. There's also a book that looks like it would probably be better than the movie but I haven't read it yet so...)
My dream? Live on a little farm somewhere with enough room for a garden big enough to grow all my own fruits and vegetables (and maybe even my own wheat for flour), a couple chickens for my own eggs, and a cow (or goat) for my own milk.
In the meantime, I'm just going to have to do as well as I can with what's available to me. I'm really excited to be leaving the country because I won't be spending money on rent or utilities and will be able to save up some extreme amounts of dough. Then when I get back I plan to get a much cheaper place than the one I'm in right now to continue saving. So hopefully I'll be able to afford all those nice fruits and vegetables.
And while I'm out-of-country I'm going to go ahead and try to start getting myself in the "au natural" groove. I'll be putting one of my friends in charge of care packages with a monthly allowance. She's really into all natural stuff to and knows way more about it than I do. She's also in the same situation I am with the poverty and forced urban living so I trust her to pick out stuff that's not only all natural, but also stuff I really need and can use. Also she's a girl with amazing taste in all things cute and nifty so I trust her care packages to be not only useful but also fun and uplifting.
LittleSpastic Out.
But it's just really hard to live all natural in the united states...especially when you're forced to live in the city because of your job and you're broke and crummy over-processed crap is way cheaper than all natural goodness.
(Little insert: check out this movie. It's not the best movie ever made by a long shot and the people kind of annoyed me but it has some good info and ideas and is a pretty good conversation starter. There's also a book that looks like it would probably be better than the movie but I haven't read it yet so...)
My dream? Live on a little farm somewhere with enough room for a garden big enough to grow all my own fruits and vegetables (and maybe even my own wheat for flour), a couple chickens for my own eggs, and a cow (or goat) for my own milk.
In the meantime, I'm just going to have to do as well as I can with what's available to me. I'm really excited to be leaving the country because I won't be spending money on rent or utilities and will be able to save up some extreme amounts of dough. Then when I get back I plan to get a much cheaper place than the one I'm in right now to continue saving. So hopefully I'll be able to afford all those nice fruits and vegetables.
And while I'm out-of-country I'm going to go ahead and try to start getting myself in the "au natural" groove. I'll be putting one of my friends in charge of care packages with a monthly allowance. She's really into all natural stuff to and knows way more about it than I do. She's also in the same situation I am with the poverty and forced urban living so I trust her to pick out stuff that's not only all natural, but also stuff I really need and can use. Also she's a girl with amazing taste in all things cute and nifty so I trust her care packages to be not only useful but also fun and uplifting.
LittleSpastic Out.
Out of the country self-improvement plan.
THE PLAN:
Keep myself isolated from all the things that distract me (friends, family issues, internet, tv, games) and use this opportunity to do all the things I keep saying I'm going to do and then coming up with excuses not to.
I plan to use the internet only enough to keep in touch with family and keep up with my blog and I'm going to spend the rest of my time doing things to better myself, things I've been wanting to do for years, such as:
1) Learn to play guitar.
2) Finish writing a book (I've got enough of them started I should be able to finish AT LEAST one).
3) Write in my blog EVERY DAY, no more fucking excuses.
4) Exercise EVERY DAY. Make it a routine to the point I get addicted and can't function without it.
5) Eat healthy. I need to find out about access to fruits and vegetables, but the plan is to start having smoothies for most of my meals. And not Jamba Juice style with the sherbert and sugar and crap in it. All natural smoothies with nothing more than fruit, vegetables, herbs, some all natural juice, maybe some goat's milk, and some powdered supplements like protein and flax seed.
6) Be all natural. This is going to be the hardest since where I'm going I'm pretty sure there's no Whole Foods or Trader Joe's or hippy-tastic Farmer's Markets. However, this is also the one I care the most about so hopefully I'll be able to summon enough determination to make it possible.
LittleSpastic Out.
Video fail and foreign travel.
Recently made a vague attempt at video blogging...turns out Blogger doesn't get along well with videos. Now, I am on the search for a new website to put my blog on (but don't tell the Blogger company). Looking into Wordpress since that's the website most of my favorite blogs are on but I've been having fail-tastic luck making an account with them. I keep forgetting to set it up as a "blog" account instead of a "username only" account. And who the hell makes it so you can't delete your account? Idiots...
So keep an eye out for changes, you may have to update your subscription (for the two people who actually pay any attention to this blog anyway...).
In the meantime, here's what's new in my neck of the woods:
I'm leaving the country for a while. I'm super excited about this for a multitude of reasons.
A) It gave me an acceptable excuse to get out of the Lease From Hell. My apartment complex's management can shove it up their ass.
B) I'm getting out of texas.
C) I'm finally going to be able to say I've visited another country. It is totally unacceptable for someone as obsessed with foreign cultures and ideas as I am to have never left her own country.
D) My bills will be cut down to about a third while I'm down there so I'll finally be able to save up some money. No more Top Ramen for me!
E) And this is the most important one. I'm going to be separated from friends and family and everything I know. The internet where I'm going apparently fails. And I'm going to be thrown into a group where girls are grossly outnumbered by horny little boys. Now, I don't think I'm any great beauty...but I do attract a ridiculous amount of unnecessary attention even in situations where girls are the majority. All these things combined mean I'm pretty much going to be living like a hermit while I'm done there.
Now, I was later told that the internet is great if you go to a local internet cafe, you just can't get it in your room, and that even in your room you could still do things like e-mail and facebook, you just can't get video streaming and online games. I was also told that I could get television no problem and that there's plenty of restaurants and bars and even a golf course. I'm ignoring all of these things. Based on the original information I began to formulate a plan and I'm sticking with that plan.
LittleSpastic Out.
So keep an eye out for changes, you may have to update your subscription (for the two people who actually pay any attention to this blog anyway...).
In the meantime, here's what's new in my neck of the woods:
I'm leaving the country for a while. I'm super excited about this for a multitude of reasons.
A) It gave me an acceptable excuse to get out of the Lease From Hell. My apartment complex's management can shove it up their ass.
B) I'm getting out of texas.
C) I'm finally going to be able to say I've visited another country. It is totally unacceptable for someone as obsessed with foreign cultures and ideas as I am to have never left her own country.
D) My bills will be cut down to about a third while I'm down there so I'll finally be able to save up some money. No more Top Ramen for me!
E) And this is the most important one. I'm going to be separated from friends and family and everything I know. The internet where I'm going apparently fails. And I'm going to be thrown into a group where girls are grossly outnumbered by horny little boys. Now, I don't think I'm any great beauty...but I do attract a ridiculous amount of unnecessary attention even in situations where girls are the majority. All these things combined mean I'm pretty much going to be living like a hermit while I'm done there.
Now, I was later told that the internet is great if you go to a local internet cafe, you just can't get it in your room, and that even in your room you could still do things like e-mail and facebook, you just can't get video streaming and online games. I was also told that I could get television no problem and that there's plenty of restaurants and bars and even a golf course. I'm ignoring all of these things. Based on the original information I began to formulate a plan and I'm sticking with that plan.
LittleSpastic Out.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Why I'm In Love...
Completely unrelated to my journey of self-improvement..except maybe for the fact that I recognized how beautiful and precious this moment was and wanted to share it with...well...anyone who ever reads this. But mostly this is just something silly and different. Enjoy!
Me:"...why are you poking my bellybutton?"
Him:"I love your bellybutton..."
Me:*chooses to ignore him*
Him:*stares*
Me:*ignores*
Him:*stares*
Me:*finally snaps*"...WHAT?!!!!"
Him:"...and all your other B's..."
Me:"..."
Him:"...your breasts..."
Me:"..."
Him:"...your bum..."
Me:"..."
Him:"...your buuu....eyeballs."
Me:"My bibles?"
Him:"Shh...your b-ears."
Me:"Oh, for heaven's...my beers? Really?"
Him:"Your b-elbow...your binkey finger..."
Me:"My binkey finger?"
Him:"Yeah...cause you used it to hold your binkey!"
Me:"...But I held my binkey on my pointer finger..."
Him:"Then I love that finger, too! And I love your...um...oh! Your bicep! I love your bicep! Ha! I thought of one!"
Me:"...."
Him:"...what?"
Me:*sigh of exasperation* "I love you..."
Him:*beaming smile* "I love you too honey!"
End.
LittleSpastic Out
Me:"...why are you poking my bellybutton?"
Him:"I love your bellybutton..."
Me:*chooses to ignore him*
Him:*stares*
Me:*ignores*
Him:*stares*
Me:*finally snaps*"...WHAT?!!!!"
Him:"...and all your other B's..."
Me:"..."
Him:"...your breasts..."
Me:"..."
Him:"...your bum..."
Me:"..."
Him:"...your buuu....eyeballs."
Me:"My bibles?"
Him:"Shh...your b-ears."
Me:"Oh, for heaven's...my beers? Really?"
Him:"Your b-elbow...your binkey finger..."
Me:"My binkey finger?"
Him:"Yeah...cause you used it to hold your binkey!"
Me:"...But I held my binkey on my pointer finger..."
Him:"Then I love that finger, too! And I love your...um...oh! Your bicep! I love your bicep! Ha! I thought of one!"
Me:"...."
Him:"...what?"
Me:*sigh of exasperation* "I love you..."
Him:*beaming smile* "I love you too honey!"
End.
LittleSpastic Out
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Earning My Shower
So, I've been kind of sucking with this whole "daily blog" business. Rest assured I have a decent excuse for that.
My excuse:
I'm leaving the country soon and will be gone for a long time. This means that:
A) I have a LOT to do in a short time. Not the least of which is getting rid of all the stuff I don't need (cause storage is expensive) and getting started on packing up the stuff I do need. This is huge cause...I have a lot of shit. ^.^
and
B) I'm trying to spend as much time as possible with my husband because he will not be coming with me and communications will be very difficult where I'm going. This is especially important because, as you probably know, things haven't been 100% awesome with us since we moved to Texas. Stressed and emotionally fried and overall not very happy with our current situation has led to us taking a lot of stuff out on each other that we know we shouldn't and starting big fights over stuff that we both know doesn't matter in the slightest. Therefore, it's especially vital that we make sure we have as much happy positive and emotional healing time before I leave so that those will be the memories we carry of each other while we are separated.
Hence, writing gets put on the way side in favor of more important things. Good news is, however, that I will most likely be writing like a FIEND while I'm out of the country simply because I'll have nothing better to do. I'll also be using that time to do other things I've been meaning to do and haven't such as practicing my guitar and working out EVERY DAY.
Which brings me to why I'm writing today. I worked out today all on my own. And I did a REAL workout, not just dancing (although my dancing seems to be working quite well, lately random people at work have been asking me if I've lost weight and my husband pointed out that I'm starting to show ab definition). I did a workout by Zuzana of whom I am a HUGE fan. Check out her website at www.BodyRock.Tv She's so amazing not only because her workouts are HARD even for the gym rat marine boys I work with but also because of all the other things she does like illustrating how all her workouts can be changed to be easier on beginners while still challenging them and putting up little informational bits changes she makes to her diet to get leaner muscles and things she and her husband do to be more up beat and positive in their lives.
Anway, did one of her workouts today. Got myself nice and sweaty and exhausted and earned my shower. Yay!
Now I'm off to organize some clothes. See ya later!
LittleSpastic Out.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Numbers are scary!
Sorry I haven't been here for awhile. My mission to keep my mouth shut in order to work on my intake rather than output has been rather successful. Lately, I feel like a more pure, confident, powerful, and self-assured version of me. Of course, it could also have something to do with finally finding my footing at my new job and getting a little acknowledgement for all the effort I've put in to speed up the "learning the ropes" process and get to a point where I can start pulling my weight and actually be a productive member of my work team, but we'll just pretend it's all because of my vow of semi-silence, just for the sake of argument.
Self-improvement of the day: for the past few months I have been in dire-straits, financially speaking. I don't have any debt or anything like that, but I also have about 50 cents to my name by the end of every month. As I've mentioned before I'm in the military and we have a resident financial specialist whose sole purpose in life is to advise people on financial-type things like debt, budgeting, and investing. I was "highly advised" to go and talk to this financial type person by one of my higher-ups who knows a little about my situation. So I did and she said she was impressed by how much I was doing to keep my financial problem from getting out of control and only had a few small suggestions of how I could do a bit better.
She did, however, request that I fill out a monthly budget table to help her get a better idea of where my money goes every month so that she could give me some advise that's more specific to my unique situation. Now, normally I would just give the table to my husband and ask him to fill it out because he's the number guy. He LOVE numbers and can do crazy math problems in his head without blinking. I on the other hand ABHOR numbers and can't even remember my own address most of the time.
So, it makes sense to let him take care of all our finances and just keep him informed of what I spend money on and ask him once in awhile how our finances are doing and how much money we have available, right? Well, quite possibly, except that this financial adviser type lady requested that I get more involved in my finances because there was recently a problem with a fellow military member at my work place that got into a large amount of drastic debt and tried to excuse it away by saying that his wife was in charge of the finances and he hadn't had any idea what she was doing with their money. Therefore, this financial advisor requested I get involved and stay involved with my finances because at the end of the day, I'm the military member and I'm the one that has to suffer the military side of the consequences if something goes wrong.
So, that's what I'm doing. I'm not just passing this duty off to my husband and having him give me a reader's digest version when it's all over. I'm actually taking part and making an effort to understand what's going on and I plan to continue this involvement and understanding for the rest of my life.
This is more of an undertaking than it may sound because I really do hate numbers on a truly epic level. Just the word "division" makes me feel like I'm developing a aneurysm in my brain.
*sigh*.
Words are scary
Wish me luck. I'll need it.
LittleSpastic Out
Self-improvement of the day: for the past few months I have been in dire-straits, financially speaking. I don't have any debt or anything like that, but I also have about 50 cents to my name by the end of every month. As I've mentioned before I'm in the military and we have a resident financial specialist whose sole purpose in life is to advise people on financial-type things like debt, budgeting, and investing. I was "highly advised" to go and talk to this financial type person by one of my higher-ups who knows a little about my situation. So I did and she said she was impressed by how much I was doing to keep my financial problem from getting out of control and only had a few small suggestions of how I could do a bit better.
She did, however, request that I fill out a monthly budget table to help her get a better idea of where my money goes every month so that she could give me some advise that's more specific to my unique situation. Now, normally I would just give the table to my husband and ask him to fill it out because he's the number guy. He LOVE numbers and can do crazy math problems in his head without blinking. I on the other hand ABHOR numbers and can't even remember my own address most of the time.
So, it makes sense to let him take care of all our finances and just keep him informed of what I spend money on and ask him once in awhile how our finances are doing and how much money we have available, right? Well, quite possibly, except that this financial adviser type lady requested that I get more involved in my finances because there was recently a problem with a fellow military member at my work place that got into a large amount of drastic debt and tried to excuse it away by saying that his wife was in charge of the finances and he hadn't had any idea what she was doing with their money. Therefore, this financial advisor requested I get involved and stay involved with my finances because at the end of the day, I'm the military member and I'm the one that has to suffer the military side of the consequences if something goes wrong.
So, that's what I'm doing. I'm not just passing this duty off to my husband and having him give me a reader's digest version when it's all over. I'm actually taking part and making an effort to understand what's going on and I plan to continue this involvement and understanding for the rest of my life.
This is more of an undertaking than it may sound because I really do hate numbers on a truly epic level. Just the word "division" makes me feel like I'm developing a aneurysm in my brain.
*sigh*.
Words are scary
Wish me luck. I'll need it.
LittleSpastic Out
Culinary Success
I meant to take a photo of the dinner I created last night but forgot and now it's all gone.
*sigh*
Oh well, I'll tell you about it anyway. It was pasta with butternut squash and sausage.
Now, this is my self-improvement blog so I have to explain why this is self-improvement, and no, it's not just because I cooked. I've been trying to cook a lot lately, actually. And it's only halfway because I actually succeeded at cooking something tasty.
This event is primarily an example of self-improvement because for the first time ever I did not pick a recipe first and then go buy the ingredients to match. For the first time ever, I picked a recipe based on the ingredients I had available. Even better, I picked a recipe that used a large amount of ingredients that were old so I could use them before they went bad. And what's best of all!!! Rather than simply follow the recipe by the book, I put a little faith in my own skills of improvisation and changed the recipe to work around ingredients I didn't have and ingredients I thought would work better. Instead of chicken stock I used vegetable stock (because I thought it might be a little healthier) and instead of sage I used rosemary (because I was out of sage and didn't realize it...this actually didn't work out very well because where sage would have been soft leaves that would have diminished and been barely noticeable texture-wise, the rosemary announced itself quite angrily with small sharp twiggy pieces scattered throughout the soft pasta...taste-wise it was totally fantastic, though).
All this I am taking as a sign that I am growing up, cooking wise, at least. I'm making my own decisions instead of lazily putting blind faith in others and I'm learning to chose simple homey recipes that have a greater chance of success than the fancy master-chef recipes I've been prone to choose in recent past.
This bodes well for me.
I also made two different kinds of brownies within a week. I'm slowly but surely learning the hard and painful way what ingredients have what effects in the world of baking as well as sticking to my goal of baking as often as possible in an effort to try out the possible future career of a baker.
Wish me continued luck and fortitude!
LittleSpastic Out
*sigh*
Oh well, I'll tell you about it anyway. It was pasta with butternut squash and sausage.
Now, this is my self-improvement blog so I have to explain why this is self-improvement, and no, it's not just because I cooked. I've been trying to cook a lot lately, actually. And it's only halfway because I actually succeeded at cooking something tasty.
This event is primarily an example of self-improvement because for the first time ever I did not pick a recipe first and then go buy the ingredients to match. For the first time ever, I picked a recipe based on the ingredients I had available. Even better, I picked a recipe that used a large amount of ingredients that were old so I could use them before they went bad. And what's best of all!!! Rather than simply follow the recipe by the book, I put a little faith in my own skills of improvisation and changed the recipe to work around ingredients I didn't have and ingredients I thought would work better. Instead of chicken stock I used vegetable stock (because I thought it might be a little healthier) and instead of sage I used rosemary (because I was out of sage and didn't realize it...this actually didn't work out very well because where sage would have been soft leaves that would have diminished and been barely noticeable texture-wise, the rosemary announced itself quite angrily with small sharp twiggy pieces scattered throughout the soft pasta...taste-wise it was totally fantastic, though).
All this I am taking as a sign that I am growing up, cooking wise, at least. I'm making my own decisions instead of lazily putting blind faith in others and I'm learning to chose simple homey recipes that have a greater chance of success than the fancy master-chef recipes I've been prone to choose in recent past.
This bodes well for me.
I also made two different kinds of brownies within a week. I'm slowly but surely learning the hard and painful way what ingredients have what effects in the world of baking as well as sticking to my goal of baking as often as possible in an effort to try out the possible future career of a baker.
Wish me continued luck and fortitude!
LittleSpastic Out
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Yeah, I'll tell you something...
Several years ago my loving mother bought me an electric guitar for my birthday along with case, strap, picks, books and a stellar amp. Everything a rocker girl could ask for.
A few years later my Dad uncovered his old acoustic buried in the garage and decided to entrust it to me.
Now, finally, after years in which I repeatedly re-vowed to myself that I was going to learn guitar and become an awesome rocker girl. After years in which my two guitars sat sad and lonely in the closet accumulating dust. And a few months after I told my Dad to go ahead and sell my amp and electric to make some extra cash for himself cause I was probably never going to learn to play...
I'm finally learning guitar!
I don't know what made today so different that I was finally able to turn thinking and planning and dreaming...into DOING!!! I was sitting listening this artist named Mishka: a dreaded up Caucasian reggae singer who at first glance looks like the typical "white boy trying to be black" but whose grungy style and musical genre choice are easily explained by the fact that he's lived his whole live on an old wooden sailboat cruising around the Caribbean. His tunes are so simplistic and yet despite that (or perhaps because of it?) his
songs are so breathtakingly pure and drive straight into your heart, making you feel for a moment horribly emotionally exposed, and then (after a moment of adjustment) so purified and peaceful and easygoing. I'm pretty sure it's impossible to listen to Mishka and be stressed or angry or depressed. Listening to Mishka all day one really can't help but wish for no money or material goods or fame or fortune...only peace and goodwill for all.
*sigh*....I'm totally addicted.
Anyway, I was listening to him and humming along and marveling at how simplistic it was and yet beautiful and suddenly I was like: "I wanna play this." So I jumped up and grabbed my computer and looked online for what the chords were. Unfortunately, I didn't find any that worked for me. But even then, in a spectacularly uncharacteristic show of determination, I pushed on! I found some chords for "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles: one of my favorite songs in the world to sing.
So far I've memorized the first 3 chords. Now I just need to get the rest of them, then memorize them in order, then work on speeding up.
I will be victorious!!! And when I am I'll put it on Youtube!
Wish me luck ^.^
LittleSpastic Out
A few years later my Dad uncovered his old acoustic buried in the garage and decided to entrust it to me.
Now, finally, after years in which I repeatedly re-vowed to myself that I was going to learn guitar and become an awesome rocker girl. After years in which my two guitars sat sad and lonely in the closet accumulating dust. And a few months after I told my Dad to go ahead and sell my amp and electric to make some extra cash for himself cause I was probably never going to learn to play...
I'm finally learning guitar!
I don't know what made today so different that I was finally able to turn thinking and planning and dreaming...into DOING!!! I was sitting listening this artist named Mishka: a dreaded up Caucasian reggae singer who at first glance looks like the typical "white boy trying to be black" but whose grungy style and musical genre choice are easily explained by the fact that he's lived his whole live on an old wooden sailboat cruising around the Caribbean. His tunes are so simplistic and yet despite that (or perhaps because of it?) his
songs are so breathtakingly pure and drive straight into your heart, making you feel for a moment horribly emotionally exposed, and then (after a moment of adjustment) so purified and peaceful and easygoing. I'm pretty sure it's impossible to listen to Mishka and be stressed or angry or depressed. Listening to Mishka all day one really can't help but wish for no money or material goods or fame or fortune...only peace and goodwill for all.
*sigh*....I'm totally addicted.
Anyway, I was listening to him and humming along and marveling at how simplistic it was and yet beautiful and suddenly I was like: "I wanna play this." So I jumped up and grabbed my computer and looked online for what the chords were. Unfortunately, I didn't find any that worked for me. But even then, in a spectacularly uncharacteristic show of determination, I pushed on! I found some chords for "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles: one of my favorite songs in the world to sing.
So far I've memorized the first 3 chords. Now I just need to get the rest of them, then memorize them in order, then work on speeding up.
I will be victorious!!! And when I am I'll put it on Youtube!
Wish me luck ^.^
LittleSpastic Out
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Back to Basics: First Step.
To recap: In my quest to get back to my core self and rediscover who I am, I will be rediscovering all my old habits, old hobbies, and old guilty pleasures.
I'll be starting with Yaoi. Dreadful I know, but as shameful of a hobby as it may be, it has been a constant throughout my life: gay boys have the best love stories and they are most beautifully and poetically presented in manga form. Throughout my whole life whenever I was down yaoi always made me feel better and when I was average yaoi inspired me and made me dream.
It is one thing I know is 100% true about myself: I am a yaoi fan girl. God help me.
So for the next week or so...actually just until I get worn out and manage to tear my eyes away from the computer screen and find the next thing...my apartment will be home of a yaoi fan-fest.
Let the nose-bleeds and tears begin.
LittleSpastic Out.
I'll be starting with Yaoi. Dreadful I know, but as shameful of a hobby as it may be, it has been a constant throughout my life: gay boys have the best love stories and they are most beautifully and poetically presented in manga form. Throughout my whole life whenever I was down yaoi always made me feel better and when I was average yaoi inspired me and made me dream.
It is one thing I know is 100% true about myself: I am a yaoi fan girl. God help me.
So for the next week or so...actually just until I get worn out and manage to tear my eyes away from the computer screen and find the next thing...my apartment will be home of a yaoi fan-fest.
Let the nose-bleeds and tears begin.
LittleSpastic Out.
Copycat
So I briefly considered titling this entry: "Disconnecting" but that would put me on a whole new level of plagiarism that I can't quite deal with. You see, "Disconnect" is the title of a blog entry a certain colleague of mine made and it is this particular blog entry that inspired me to write my own entry that I am...er...currently writing. That was a weird sentence....
But I digress.
What I want to talk about today is the fact that I won't be writing for a little while. I am doing a little re-vamp of my lifestyle. Lately I've been doing a lot of producing. I've been writing and talking and making and forming and building. It's gotten to the point that I'm just putting stuff out into the world without even really knowing if I believe them or not. I say "this is what I believe", but is it really?
Lately it feels like this blog, which is supposed to be nothing more than a simple documentation of my honest and simple thoughts and beliefs, is actually a long running creative writing assignment. I go through relationships making ultimatums on things that simply have to be or simply can't be based on an idea of what is my core and central self, based on what is unchangeable. Yet this unchangeable self, this core, seems to change constantly based on the most recent book I read or movie I watched.
In my creative writing: my short stories and poems, I write by putting my self in the shoes of another. I put on a suit made of another personality and I walk and think and speak and feel as if I were that persona. This makes me for a powerful creative writer (when I can actually take the time to finish something) but lately "writer's licence" my "creative spirit" has been spilling over into real life.
It's gotten so that every time I have a thought for something to say or do I have to stop myself and think "Is this really something I think or feel, something I want to do, or is it something that would be done or thought or felt by the personality I forgot to take off?"
It's terrifying, not being able to tell if the feelings you're having are really honestly yours or if they are just a byproduct of a role you are playing without realizing it.
I get mad at my husband. I walk in to the room and I rant and I rave at him. I tell him all the things he's doing wrong and how frustrated I am with him. We have a fight, we cry, we go to bed upset. The next day I honestly can't figure out what I was so upset about. I think over the things I said and sometimes I agree with them and sometimes I think "that doesn't sound like me at all." I was simply playing the role of the righteously furious wife.
Who am I?
I'm really not sure anymore. It feels like my definition of self is constructed of hundreds of different personalities and roles stacked up on one another surrounding an empty core.
My core is gone. I'm empty inside.
So from now on I'm not writing. I'm not speaking. I'm not making decisions about who I am and what I'm going to do with my future. I can't be trusted.
For now I'm only receiving, ingesting. I'm going back to the basics of the things that formed me and made me what I am. Hobbies, favorites, passions, dreams, the many things that we use to define our identity, I'm going to try to find them again.
Wish me luck!
LittleSpastic Out
But I digress.
What I want to talk about today is the fact that I won't be writing for a little while. I am doing a little re-vamp of my lifestyle. Lately I've been doing a lot of producing. I've been writing and talking and making and forming and building. It's gotten to the point that I'm just putting stuff out into the world without even really knowing if I believe them or not. I say "this is what I believe", but is it really?
Lately it feels like this blog, which is supposed to be nothing more than a simple documentation of my honest and simple thoughts and beliefs, is actually a long running creative writing assignment. I go through relationships making ultimatums on things that simply have to be or simply can't be based on an idea of what is my core and central self, based on what is unchangeable. Yet this unchangeable self, this core, seems to change constantly based on the most recent book I read or movie I watched.
In my creative writing: my short stories and poems, I write by putting my self in the shoes of another. I put on a suit made of another personality and I walk and think and speak and feel as if I were that persona. This makes me for a powerful creative writer (when I can actually take the time to finish something) but lately "writer's licence" my "creative spirit" has been spilling over into real life.
It's gotten so that every time I have a thought for something to say or do I have to stop myself and think "Is this really something I think or feel, something I want to do, or is it something that would be done or thought or felt by the personality I forgot to take off?"
It's terrifying, not being able to tell if the feelings you're having are really honestly yours or if they are just a byproduct of a role you are playing without realizing it.
I get mad at my husband. I walk in to the room and I rant and I rave at him. I tell him all the things he's doing wrong and how frustrated I am with him. We have a fight, we cry, we go to bed upset. The next day I honestly can't figure out what I was so upset about. I think over the things I said and sometimes I agree with them and sometimes I think "that doesn't sound like me at all." I was simply playing the role of the righteously furious wife.
Who am I?
I'm really not sure anymore. It feels like my definition of self is constructed of hundreds of different personalities and roles stacked up on one another surrounding an empty core.
My core is gone. I'm empty inside.
So from now on I'm not writing. I'm not speaking. I'm not making decisions about who I am and what I'm going to do with my future. I can't be trusted.
For now I'm only receiving, ingesting. I'm going back to the basics of the things that formed me and made me what I am. Hobbies, favorites, passions, dreams, the many things that we use to define our identity, I'm going to try to find them again.
Wish me luck!
LittleSpastic Out
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Progress
1 month down y'all.
Thought this would be a good time to touch bases and take a look at what improvement (if any) I've actually made. You know, to see if this blog is actually doing what it's supposed to or if I'm just doing a really good job of wasting time.
So far, I'd say there's been some definite improvement. Now, whether that improvement stems from this blog or from other changes I've made in my life (such as the people I surround myself with) I couldn't say. I believe the blog is playing at least a small part, but at the very least I can say that this blog helped me make a dramatic lane shift on the highway of life and get me started down the good path and that it is now serving as a way to document progress and remind myself what my goal is.
Improvements:
A) It's gotten way easier to motivate myself to exercise and be healthy. In fact I just finished doing a work out by Zevala (www.bodyrock.tv check it out. She will kick your ass). Or I guess I should say "attempted a work out by Zevala" since there's no way I could do the full amount of reps she prescribes. Someday, perhaps, but not today. Regardless, I'm moving my jiggly butt rather than sitting around writing cartoons about it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b248cANtWBo although once again that's probably more due to the kick-ass hard-core awesome new friends I've been hanging out with lately.
I mean, sitting around all day listening to a group of guys who's (secondary) job is to help out of shape people get in shape in time for their fitness test talking about all things fitness and nutrition all day can't help but have an effect. Every day I listen to them talk about that 5 mile run they plan to go on when they get home and I get home and go to sit on the couch immediately just like usual and then suddenly feel so pathetic and guilty and I have to do SOMETHING active. And every day I listen to them tear apart whatever I bring to eat and lecture me on how bad all that coffee is for me and I can't help but start wanting to eat fruit for breakfast instead of cereal and homemade meals with less fat and all natural ingredients for dinner instead of running down to the hamburger joint.
B) I am gaining better companions. After what ended up being a total fiasco of a night out, I have lost all interest in hanging around the people who I've been spending all my time with lately simply because we went through training at the same time. I've come to the realization that I was only considering them friends because it was an easy choice (we were together ALL the time) and I'm a lazy bitch. I also came to the realization that there is actually very little that I like about them and that spending time with them fills me with negative energies. I always end up judging them for their behavior and then judging myself for being judgmental. Not a good way to be. So, I've started making a conscious effort to break out of my safety bubble and reach out towards new companions. I'm also making a conscious effort to make sure those new companions are upbeat motivated individuals that will help create a positive motivated environment around me. So far it seems to be working ^.^
C) Overall I think I'm a much more positive person. Certainly not perfect by a long shot. I still snap at Matt on occasion. I still overreact over little shit once in a while. I'm still stressed out and I still bitch about work. But I haven't had any more "walking zombie" days. I'm not scared to drive around by myself anymore. I feel motivated to do extra things like working out instead of just flopping on the couch in a lifeless blog without the energy necessary even to get up and get a glass of water. Even though I snap at Matt I've gotten way better about apolagizing afterwards and admitting I was wrong (the rare times I AM wrong). I look forward to coming home instead of just coming home cause there's nothing else I feel motivated to do. I feel motivated to get things done at work and even take on extra duties. And I'm just overall a much nicer person who doesn't let things get to her as much.
Thought this would be a good time to touch bases and take a look at what improvement (if any) I've actually made. You know, to see if this blog is actually doing what it's supposed to or if I'm just doing a really good job of wasting time.
So far, I'd say there's been some definite improvement. Now, whether that improvement stems from this blog or from other changes I've made in my life (such as the people I surround myself with) I couldn't say. I believe the blog is playing at least a small part, but at the very least I can say that this blog helped me make a dramatic lane shift on the highway of life and get me started down the good path and that it is now serving as a way to document progress and remind myself what my goal is.
Improvements:
A) It's gotten way easier to motivate myself to exercise and be healthy. In fact I just finished doing a work out by Zevala (www.bodyrock.tv check it out. She will kick your ass). Or I guess I should say "attempted a work out by Zevala" since there's no way I could do the full amount of reps she prescribes. Someday, perhaps, but not today. Regardless, I'm moving my jiggly butt rather than sitting around writing cartoons about it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b248cANtWBo although once again that's probably more due to the kick-ass hard-core awesome new friends I've been hanging out with lately.
I mean, sitting around all day listening to a group of guys who's (secondary) job is to help out of shape people get in shape in time for their fitness test talking about all things fitness and nutrition all day can't help but have an effect. Every day I listen to them talk about that 5 mile run they plan to go on when they get home and I get home and go to sit on the couch immediately just like usual and then suddenly feel so pathetic and guilty and I have to do SOMETHING active. And every day I listen to them tear apart whatever I bring to eat and lecture me on how bad all that coffee is for me and I can't help but start wanting to eat fruit for breakfast instead of cereal and homemade meals with less fat and all natural ingredients for dinner instead of running down to the hamburger joint.
B) I am gaining better companions. After what ended up being a total fiasco of a night out, I have lost all interest in hanging around the people who I've been spending all my time with lately simply because we went through training at the same time. I've come to the realization that I was only considering them friends because it was an easy choice (we were together ALL the time) and I'm a lazy bitch. I also came to the realization that there is actually very little that I like about them and that spending time with them fills me with negative energies. I always end up judging them for their behavior and then judging myself for being judgmental. Not a good way to be. So, I've started making a conscious effort to break out of my safety bubble and reach out towards new companions. I'm also making a conscious effort to make sure those new companions are upbeat motivated individuals that will help create a positive motivated environment around me. So far it seems to be working ^.^
C) Overall I think I'm a much more positive person. Certainly not perfect by a long shot. I still snap at Matt on occasion. I still overreact over little shit once in a while. I'm still stressed out and I still bitch about work. But I haven't had any more "walking zombie" days. I'm not scared to drive around by myself anymore. I feel motivated to do extra things like working out instead of just flopping on the couch in a lifeless blog without the energy necessary even to get up and get a glass of water. Even though I snap at Matt I've gotten way better about apolagizing afterwards and admitting I was wrong (the rare times I AM wrong). I look forward to coming home instead of just coming home cause there's nothing else I feel motivated to do. I feel motivated to get things done at work and even take on extra duties. And I'm just overall a much nicer person who doesn't let things get to her as much.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
If you could have a super power, what would it be?
The power to use my brain like a computer. Organize, delete, and turn off at will.
If you were offered the job of U.S. president would you take the job?
Not a chance. It's definitely the worst job in the world. You're in charge of trying to organize and care for millions of people. It's an impossible task and the whole time people are just looking for excuses to hate you.
Re-connections.
So I got home at 3 am this morning...waaaaay too late for blogging. But some important stuff happened so I'll tell you about it now.
Short rant session: I went out to check out this sweet club a friend at work had been telling me about: a comfortable atmosphere, he said, where a person can just relax and listen to good 80's and new-wave music and dance to your heart's content without all that normal party-night club pressure. Sounded pretty sweet, but I made the mistake of extending the invitation to a few of my other cool friends who in turn extended it to some of my not-so cool friends. So the modus-operandi of the night ended up being me as the DD to a large group of people who wanted nothing to do with relaxed comfortable grooving, ditching my friend and getting dragged around town from club to club where I then got to experience the intense joy of chilling at a table in the back of the room, bored out of my mind and bitter over the change in what originally had been MY night
out, and watch the group I was with get totally sloshed and then prance around in high-heels and clothes that barely fit the definition and squealing in drunken pleasure whenever some drunk loser on the street whistled at them. Lesson learned: I am not in any way, nor do I have any desire to be, a party girl.
Not my idea of fun. But none of that is really important and certainly not what I wanted to bother you with.
What's important is what came before all of that. Earlier yesterday afternoon I went over to a long-lost friend's house to borrow some going-out clothes. I ended up hanging out and talking for a good hour or two. Now, the reason I call her a long-lost friend is because although she is an amazing person that I admire very much and consider to be the best friend anyone could ever ask for, I usually avoid spending time with her like my life depends on it. You see, she's so wonderful and admirable that she makes me feel like a shitty waste of humanity standing next to her. And although I should be a big enough person to focus on using her awesomeness to inspire myself to live a better life...I'm not. Instead I end up feeling bitter and jealous and self-hating and pathetic. So I avoid her to avoid feeling these feelings.
Well last night I kinda forgot about all those things and called her up on kind of a whim just because we wear the same size shoe (very rare to find friends with feet as gigando as mine) and I thought maybe she'd have some cute shoes I could wear (see what I mean about being a waste of human space? I can't even reconnect with a friend without having a selfish motivation). So I went over to her place and she showed me her new apartment (not even furnished and still way cuter and cozier than mine...and for half the cost to boot!) and her clothes (half as much stuff as me and all bought at Goodwill or Plato's Closet and I would totally trade her in an instant) and I immediately started remembering why we don't hang out and was itching to get out of there. And then...I don't really know what happened but all of a sudden we were just lounging together on her mattress and talking about...well...the only things of importance: life love relationships and how to get through it all with your sanity intact.
I told her about how I'd been a genius as a child and had traded it in for the ability to talk to people my own age without scaring them away so now I have an extensive social network (though I still don't understand or relate to the human race in the slightest) but I can no longer do a math problem to save my life. I told her about how terrified I was to be in my first real relationship ever (being secretly in love with a guy from afar for 6 years and then ending it with a 2 week long relationship-ish...thing really doesn't count) and even more so since getting married has made it so that my first relationship is destined to be my last. I told her about how when I was a little girl, after my Dad had gotten me back from my Mother, he took me to a the best psychologist in a tri-state area who, after talking to me for 2 weeks, told him that whatever was making me such a crazy and troubled child, I had already locked away in my subconscious somewhere and there was nothing that could be done until the day finally came that I let it out and was prepared to deal with it. I told her about how I'm afraid that it's coming out now and really screwing with my life, especially with my love life, and how I'm afraid I'm not ready to deal with it, or at the very least I definitely don't know how.
She told me about her own troubled past and I started seeing her very differently, I saw that we were far more alike than I thought. Only she had been dealing with her fears and troubles and inadequacies for years and was just far closer than I to the goal we both share: becoming a focused functional human being who has her own issues enough under wraps that she can in turn open her heart to those around her.
It was a really good talk that I'm very thankful for. I feel a little less ashamed about my position in life right now and I've gotten a little closer to someone I always knew I should be close to. Also, I feel like I can see a little more clearly the path I need to take to find my way to the person I'm meant to be, to a place inside of me filled with calm healing energy; a path that will guide me through the process of letting go of all this crap that is filling up my mind and my heart and my soul and weighing me down and keeping me from being the person I know I should be.
In addition to a good healing conversation she also gave me a book to read (check out the link to the left. So far it's a great read that I highly recommend), the number of a good hypno-therapist, and the knowledge of at least one place in this new town I've been displaced to where I can feel safe and comfortable and healed. I have found myself a healthy place and a healthy face. Thank the gods.
LittleSpastic Out.
Short rant session: I went out to check out this sweet club a friend at work had been telling me about: a comfortable atmosphere, he said, where a person can just relax and listen to good 80's and new-wave music and dance to your heart's content without all that normal party-night club pressure. Sounded pretty sweet, but I made the mistake of extending the invitation to a few of my other cool friends who in turn extended it to some of my not-so cool friends. So the modus-operandi of the night ended up being me as the DD to a large group of people who wanted nothing to do with relaxed comfortable grooving, ditching my friend and getting dragged around town from club to club where I then got to experience the intense joy of chilling at a table in the back of the room, bored out of my mind and bitter over the change in what originally had been MY night
out, and watch the group I was with get totally sloshed and then prance around in high-heels and clothes that barely fit the definition and squealing in drunken pleasure whenever some drunk loser on the street whistled at them. Lesson learned: I am not in any way, nor do I have any desire to be, a party girl.
Not my idea of fun. But none of that is really important and certainly not what I wanted to bother you with.
What's important is what came before all of that. Earlier yesterday afternoon I went over to a long-lost friend's house to borrow some going-out clothes. I ended up hanging out and talking for a good hour or two. Now, the reason I call her a long-lost friend is because although she is an amazing person that I admire very much and consider to be the best friend anyone could ever ask for, I usually avoid spending time with her like my life depends on it. You see, she's so wonderful and admirable that she makes me feel like a shitty waste of humanity standing next to her. And although I should be a big enough person to focus on using her awesomeness to inspire myself to live a better life...I'm not. Instead I end up feeling bitter and jealous and self-hating and pathetic. So I avoid her to avoid feeling these feelings.
Well last night I kinda forgot about all those things and called her up on kind of a whim just because we wear the same size shoe (very rare to find friends with feet as gigando as mine) and I thought maybe she'd have some cute shoes I could wear (see what I mean about being a waste of human space? I can't even reconnect with a friend without having a selfish motivation). So I went over to her place and she showed me her new apartment (not even furnished and still way cuter and cozier than mine...and for half the cost to boot!) and her clothes (half as much stuff as me and all bought at Goodwill or Plato's Closet and I would totally trade her in an instant) and I immediately started remembering why we don't hang out and was itching to get out of there. And then...I don't really know what happened but all of a sudden we were just lounging together on her mattress and talking about...well...the only things of importance: life love relationships and how to get through it all with your sanity intact.
I told her about how I'd been a genius as a child and had traded it in for the ability to talk to people my own age without scaring them away so now I have an extensive social network (though I still don't understand or relate to the human race in the slightest) but I can no longer do a math problem to save my life. I told her about how terrified I was to be in my first real relationship ever (being secretly in love with a guy from afar for 6 years and then ending it with a 2 week long relationship-ish...thing really doesn't count) and even more so since getting married has made it so that my first relationship is destined to be my last. I told her about how when I was a little girl, after my Dad had gotten me back from my Mother, he took me to a the best psychologist in a tri-state area who, after talking to me for 2 weeks, told him that whatever was making me such a crazy and troubled child, I had already locked away in my subconscious somewhere and there was nothing that could be done until the day finally came that I let it out and was prepared to deal with it. I told her about how I'm afraid that it's coming out now and really screwing with my life, especially with my love life, and how I'm afraid I'm not ready to deal with it, or at the very least I definitely don't know how.
She told me about her own troubled past and I started seeing her very differently, I saw that we were far more alike than I thought. Only she had been dealing with her fears and troubles and inadequacies for years and was just far closer than I to the goal we both share: becoming a focused functional human being who has her own issues enough under wraps that she can in turn open her heart to those around her.
It was a really good talk that I'm very thankful for. I feel a little less ashamed about my position in life right now and I've gotten a little closer to someone I always knew I should be close to. Also, I feel like I can see a little more clearly the path I need to take to find my way to the person I'm meant to be, to a place inside of me filled with calm healing energy; a path that will guide me through the process of letting go of all this crap that is filling up my mind and my heart and my soul and weighing me down and keeping me from being the person I know I should be.
In addition to a good healing conversation she also gave me a book to read (check out the link to the left. So far it's a great read that I highly recommend), the number of a good hypno-therapist, and the knowledge of at least one place in this new town I've been displaced to where I can feel safe and comfortable and healed. I have found myself a healthy place and a healthy face. Thank the gods.
LittleSpastic Out.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Speak No Evil
Least creative title so far FTW.
In recent days I have found myself sinking exponentially further each day into a dampening depression. Today it finally got to a point that it was noticeable to my co-workers. My overseer commented that it appeared that half my soul had been sucked out.
I don't really know the cause, nor the solution. So looks like I'm just gonna have to be a human raincloud for awhile.
Kind of a bummer for my writing. This blog is all about self-improvement, motivating myself to do the things I know I should. But lately it's been hard enough just to motivate myself to get out of bed in the morning or put on clothes, so anything more motivated and hard-core than that is a bit of a foolhardy dream.
So for now my self-improvement will consist of:
- Continuing to write every day, even if it's just to say "Fuck My Life. The End."
- Not finding excuses to avoid coming home and seeing my husband.
- Facing my life head on and accepting it instead of wishing it was something else.
- Not telling people about my problems and making the issue more tangled than it has to be.
- Attempting to forgive people without having to tell them all the reasons I'm upset with them.
Wish me luck!
LittleSpastic Out.
In recent days I have found myself sinking exponentially further each day into a dampening depression. Today it finally got to a point that it was noticeable to my co-workers. My overseer commented that it appeared that half my soul had been sucked out.
I don't really know the cause, nor the solution. So looks like I'm just gonna have to be a human raincloud for awhile.
Kind of a bummer for my writing. This blog is all about self-improvement, motivating myself to do the things I know I should. But lately it's been hard enough just to motivate myself to get out of bed in the morning or put on clothes, so anything more motivated and hard-core than that is a bit of a foolhardy dream.
So for now my self-improvement will consist of:
- Continuing to write every day, even if it's just to say "Fuck My Life. The End."
- Not finding excuses to avoid coming home and seeing my husband.
- Facing my life head on and accepting it instead of wishing it was something else.
- Not telling people about my problems and making the issue more tangled than it has to be.
- Attempting to forgive people without having to tell them all the reasons I'm upset with them.
Wish me luck!
LittleSpastic Out.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
At Odds With One's Nature
Although I have always been and will always be a cat person, I have come to the conclusion that it is illogical at this current time for me to have cats. It has recently come to my attention that the effect my cats are having on my personality and my world in general is, rather to my dismay, a negative one.
Therefore, from this day forth I will be catless cat-person. A sad day indeed, but I believe I will be the better for it in the end. I hope I'm not mistaken...
LittleSpastic Out.
Therefore, from this day forth I will be catless cat-person. A sad day indeed, but I believe I will be the better for it in the end. I hope I'm not mistaken...
LittleSpastic Out.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Motivation
It is an interesting fact of my character that there is only thing that can motivate me to do that which I know I should and, in fact, desire to do. That one and only thing is "necessity".
I like a clean home...or in my case a clean apartment. I even enjoy the act of cleaning or organizing...once I get down to it. But it's very difficult for me to give myself the little spur of motivation necessary to get myself into a cleaning mode. Today my motivation was the arrival of a new member of the family: a golden retriever/boxer mix in need of a home. I was excited to have her...but first It was definitely very necessary that I clean up a little. Can't have a puppy that big and rambunctious running around with shoes and the like all over the floor.
So I cleaned. I got pretty into it, too. I didn't just move stuff around. I put things back where they belong, found better ways to organize things, moved furniture, even dusted! My apartment looks so much better and I feel so much better in it. I just wish I could motivate myself this much every day...
Oh well...Rome wasn't made in a day.
Further improvement sure to come.
LittleSpastic Out.
I like a clean home...or in my case a clean apartment. I even enjoy the act of cleaning or organizing...once I get down to it. But it's very difficult for me to give myself the little spur of motivation necessary to get myself into a cleaning mode. Today my motivation was the arrival of a new member of the family: a golden retriever/boxer mix in need of a home. I was excited to have her...but first It was definitely very necessary that I clean up a little. Can't have a puppy that big and rambunctious running around with shoes and the like all over the floor.
So I cleaned. I got pretty into it, too. I didn't just move stuff around. I put things back where they belong, found better ways to organize things, moved furniture, even dusted! My apartment looks so much better and I feel so much better in it. I just wish I could motivate myself this much every day...
Oh well...Rome wasn't made in a day.
Further improvement sure to come.
LittleSpastic Out.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I'd rather not say...
I don't want this blog to end up being a place where I go to vent about all the things that are bothering me. I do, however, want this blog to be honest. So while I'd like to be upbeat and positive all the time, I feel obligated to also share with you all the bad things that happen in my life for the sake of honesty. However, I want to do this in a way that is constructive and documentative, not rant~y.
This, in essence is why I haven't written in awhile. I wanted to wait until I could talk about this bad thing that has happened in a way that was at least mildly objective. I wanted to make sure I could write this without being unnecessarily cruel or bashing.
Here's what happened:
Last week, I came home from work to find that my husband had been rather a good boy. He had done dishes, straightened up the house a bit, and let my cats out. We keep the cats in a bathroom when we aren't home because they are still in their teenage rebellious destruction phase and I often ask him to let them out when I'm not home and he is so that they'll get the optimum amount of time out and about but he usually doesn't because he doesn't like them and doesn't want to deal with them, but that day he had!
Anyway, I was happy he'd been a nice boy that day and I went to go take a shower in a nice skippy mood. While I was in there, however, I suddenly heard the rather unsettling sound of a cat screaming. I went running out of the shower dripping wet without hesitation and ran into the living room to find my husband just coming out of the cats' bathroom. I confronted him in a very upset manner asking him what had happened to my cat. He told me it had been misbehaving so he had disciplined it but the cat was fine and I shouldn't worry.
So, trusting him, I went back and finished up my shower. A little later when I was finished with that, I went to check on my cats and found that my female cat was trapped in the tub and couldn't get out. Turned out my husband's "disciplining" involved hurling my cat across the bathroom into the wall of the shower. This had, it turned out, actually hurt my cat in a way that had made her leg completely unusable.
Now, cats for me are like cows for the Hindus. You DON'T FUCK WITH THEM. I was so upset I couldn't even speak enough to explain to him how upset I was. I honestly would have been less upset if he'd been beating ME. I was just curled on the floor sobbing watching her drag her leg behind her and trying to think of how I was gonna find the money to pay for the vet to fix her if it turned out her leg was broken or torn.
It turned out that she's at least mostly okay. She didn't mind having her leg touched and moved around which kinda gave the idea that it wasn't hurt too terribly bad. Then, today she's started walking on it a little bit....limping really but still.
But the main thing that made this event so bad is the fact that I was sooooo mad I wasn't sure I would be able to recover. I had to go shut myself in my room and listen to some music and try to forget about it to keep myself from either saying something I knew I'd regret later or else going to visit my guy friend Eric...who coincidentally wants to fuck me...badly.
So, anyway, I had a lot of anger and was working really hard to keep it all shut inside so that's why I haven't been on here and....yeah...that's all I've got.
LittleSpastic Out.
This, in essence is why I haven't written in awhile. I wanted to wait until I could talk about this bad thing that has happened in a way that was at least mildly objective. I wanted to make sure I could write this without being unnecessarily cruel or bashing.
Here's what happened:
Last week, I came home from work to find that my husband had been rather a good boy. He had done dishes, straightened up the house a bit, and let my cats out. We keep the cats in a bathroom when we aren't home because they are still in their teenage rebellious destruction phase and I often ask him to let them out when I'm not home and he is so that they'll get the optimum amount of time out and about but he usually doesn't because he doesn't like them and doesn't want to deal with them, but that day he had!
Anyway, I was happy he'd been a nice boy that day and I went to go take a shower in a nice skippy mood. While I was in there, however, I suddenly heard the rather unsettling sound of a cat screaming. I went running out of the shower dripping wet without hesitation and ran into the living room to find my husband just coming out of the cats' bathroom. I confronted him in a very upset manner asking him what had happened to my cat. He told me it had been misbehaving so he had disciplined it but the cat was fine and I shouldn't worry.
So, trusting him, I went back and finished up my shower. A little later when I was finished with that, I went to check on my cats and found that my female cat was trapped in the tub and couldn't get out. Turned out my husband's "disciplining" involved hurling my cat across the bathroom into the wall of the shower. This had, it turned out, actually hurt my cat in a way that had made her leg completely unusable.
Now, cats for me are like cows for the Hindus. You DON'T FUCK WITH THEM. I was so upset I couldn't even speak enough to explain to him how upset I was. I honestly would have been less upset if he'd been beating ME. I was just curled on the floor sobbing watching her drag her leg behind her and trying to think of how I was gonna find the money to pay for the vet to fix her if it turned out her leg was broken or torn.
It turned out that she's at least mostly okay. She didn't mind having her leg touched and moved around which kinda gave the idea that it wasn't hurt too terribly bad. Then, today she's started walking on it a little bit....limping really but still.
But the main thing that made this event so bad is the fact that I was sooooo mad I wasn't sure I would be able to recover. I had to go shut myself in my room and listen to some music and try to forget about it to keep myself from either saying something I knew I'd regret later or else going to visit my guy friend Eric...who coincidentally wants to fuck me...badly.
So, anyway, I had a lot of anger and was working really hard to keep it all shut inside so that's why I haven't been on here and....yeah...that's all I've got.
LittleSpastic Out.
Monday, May 10, 2010
New look....new outlook?
Brace yourselves for this ladies and gents. I, your humble writer, LittleSpastic, have become, for the first time (since age 5 anyway)...are you ready for this? I don't think you're ready for this...
So, while some will say that this change of coloration is just one more indication of my laziness and unwillingness to do what REALLY matters and what really affects change, I will say that one drastic action makes the next one easier to grasp, and that my current new look feels so drastic I feel near drunk with the adrenaline high and I wonder where this amazing feeling will lead me.
LitleSpastic Out.
...
...Are you sure you're ready for this? Ok, then.
*Ahem* DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!!!
doomadoomadoomadoomadoomadoomadoomadoomadoomadoomadoomadooma
A BRUNETTE!!!!!
I know right??? It's SOOO weird. I've been [varying shades of] blonde my whole life! And for the past few months I've been not only blonde. I've been BLONDE!!! Like, almost white! And now my hair isn't just brunette. It's more like an incredibly dark shade of red to the point of seeming black at times.
So, to summarize: Every morning I wake up and walk into the bathroom in a half-sleeping daze, flip on the light, and glance out of the corner of my eye at the mirror expecting to see my usual white blonde hair...but I don't...I see a deep red-black instead. This event is then usually followed by me coming very much awake and jumping near out of my skin while flipping around to confront the red-headed stranger that must be standing behind me.
Now, throughout my life I've heard many people (not the least of which being my father) ranting about how a change of hair color, a haircut, a new wardrobe, or a tan does not make for a new person. That these are just shortcuts people try to take to cause a magical change on their life without having to put in any actual effort towards change. Well, I would agree with that...to a point. Blondes who dye their hair brown and expect to suddenly be smart and be taken seriously, whores who buy turtlenecks and long skirts and think that changes their bad reputation, rejected nerd-girls who put on thick eyeliner and lipstick and think it'll make the popular crowd suddenly accept them: these people are morons looking for a quick fix.
HOWEVER, these "quick fixes" can help push change along. When a jungle warrior puts on the mask of a jaguar before a great battle, he does not actually believe that the mask will turn him into a jaguar. He wears the mask of the jaguar because when he sees his reflection in a pool of water he will see a jaguar and when he sees a jaguar he will think of the jaguar and when he thinks of the jaguar he will feel the jaguar's presence beside him and when he feels the jaguar's presence he will fight with the ferocity of the jaguar and he will fight harder than he would without the jaguar mask and he will win where he would not have without the jaguar mask.
When I see my reflection in the mirror I see something shocking and new. I see something that commands attention. I see something that reminds me that I am in a battle, reminds me what it is I am fighting for. I see a red headed warrior-ess looking at me with furious eyes that say:
"Look at me. I am no quitter. I am not a woman who bows down to laziness and feelings of inadequacy. When someone tells me I am not good enough I stand up and spit on their face and tell them I am more than they will ever be able to handle. When I feel fatigue dragging at my bones I push twice as hard as I did before. And where people would look at the you-that-was-before and laugh and pity, they will look at me with awe and fear. I am a warrior and all the world will hear my roar. You now carry my face upon your own, you carry my presence within you. I DEMAND that you act accordingly. I DEMAND that you live your life to be worthy of my face. Now, I demand that you stand up and FIGHT."
So, while some will say that this change of coloration is just one more indication of my laziness and unwillingness to do what REALLY matters and what really affects change, I will say that one drastic action makes the next one easier to grasp, and that my current new look feels so drastic I feel near drunk with the adrenaline high and I wonder where this amazing feeling will lead me.
LitleSpastic Out.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Sore Feet
Sooooo tiiiired!
Yesterday I ran/walked the "Relay for Life". It was a bit on the lame side. It was only 12 hours instead of the expected 24 and there was a lot of bad organization. I'm really glad I did it, though. I love doing things for a good cause. I've been wanting to volunteer at an animal shelter for ages but can never seem to get myself motivated enough, especially after a long day at work followed by a workout. This was really nice because it allowed me to multi-task. I was getting a good work out, spending time with friends, getting to know my new co-workers, and, of course, helping a good cause.
It was awesome! Normally it's sooo hard to motivate myself to exercise, no matter how badly I want to look better in my bikini ^.^ So something like this event was amazing because there was so much energy it really made me want to get up and do something active; plus any time I started getting tired and want to sit down, I'd see some cancer survivor or group of little kids or old ladies trucking around the track still full of energy and I'd get a whole new burst of motivation and drive and end up doing sprints all around the track. I probably did a good 3-5 miles without even noticing. I was sore this morning though...
Probably didn't help that I was sprinting in flip-flops...
Or that I'd been up for 24 hours by the time it was over and hadn't been getting much sleep for a couple nights before that cause I was busy making team t-shirts for the event...
Oh my gosh I feel so motivated!!! Now I just need to hold onto this feeling and make it keep me going for another week or so.
LittleSpastic Out.
Yesterday I ran/walked the "Relay for Life". It was a bit on the lame side. It was only 12 hours instead of the expected 24 and there was a lot of bad organization. I'm really glad I did it, though. I love doing things for a good cause. I've been wanting to volunteer at an animal shelter for ages but can never seem to get myself motivated enough, especially after a long day at work followed by a workout. This was really nice because it allowed me to multi-task. I was getting a good work out, spending time with friends, getting to know my new co-workers, and, of course, helping a good cause.
It was awesome! Normally it's sooo hard to motivate myself to exercise, no matter how badly I want to look better in my bikini ^.^ So something like this event was amazing because there was so much energy it really made me want to get up and do something active; plus any time I started getting tired and want to sit down, I'd see some cancer survivor or group of little kids or old ladies trucking around the track still full of energy and I'd get a whole new burst of motivation and drive and end up doing sprints all around the track. I probably did a good 3-5 miles without even noticing. I was sore this morning though...
Probably didn't help that I was sprinting in flip-flops...
Or that I'd been up for 24 hours by the time it was over and hadn't been getting much sleep for a couple nights before that cause I was busy making team t-shirts for the event...
Oh my gosh I feel so motivated!!! Now I just need to hold onto this feeling and make it keep me going for another week or so.
LittleSpastic Out.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Weight Loss
This afternoon, in a fit of self-hate I looked in the mirror to find that I was a fat disgusting slob and took myself down to my local GNC to get myself some magic diet pills to get rid of all these fat rolls I'm too fecking lazy to...I don't know...EXCERCISE away!
Well, while I was standing in that store staring grim-faced at the many shelves of "miracle fat-away pills" I came to the realization of how ridiculous it was for ME to be shopping for diet pills. I mean, I'm no swimsuit model, but I'm certainly not fat, either. I mean, I only weigh 125 pounds for goodness sake!
Now, some of you ladies may hear that number and be shrieking to yourselves: "Good god! The girl's anorexic! How could she possibly be so skinny and still think there's even the slightest possibility of her being out of shape!" Well, to put it into perspective for you: I'm only 5' 2" tall. So 125 is actually VERY healthy for me. At 115 I had a bit of a belly. 10 pounds later, that "bit of belly" has grown a bit and migrated all over my ass and thighs...ESPECIALLY my ass. I now sport a ghetto booty that would make a rap star's girlfriend weep.
*Sigh* However, none of that is an excuse for me to resign to drugs to solve my problem.
I DID buy some weight loss supplements...but not the "miracle weight loss while sitting on your ass" kind. I got the kind that "amplifies the amount of fat burned while exercising and helps increase your body's natural output of energy to help make exercising easier" kind. They come in this really pretty cheerful pink bottle that I'm hoping will make me so exited to use them it will motivate me to exercise.
I also asked my husband to please do me the huge favor of being my personal trainer by every day ordering (not requesting) me to do something active.
Wish me luck!
LittleSpastic Out.
Well, while I was standing in that store staring grim-faced at the many shelves of "miracle fat-away pills" I came to the realization of how ridiculous it was for ME to be shopping for diet pills. I mean, I'm no swimsuit model, but I'm certainly not fat, either. I mean, I only weigh 125 pounds for goodness sake!
Now, some of you ladies may hear that number and be shrieking to yourselves: "Good god! The girl's anorexic! How could she possibly be so skinny and still think there's even the slightest possibility of her being out of shape!" Well, to put it into perspective for you: I'm only 5' 2" tall. So 125 is actually VERY healthy for me. At 115 I had a bit of a belly. 10 pounds later, that "bit of belly" has grown a bit and migrated all over my ass and thighs...ESPECIALLY my ass. I now sport a ghetto booty that would make a rap star's girlfriend weep.
*Sigh* However, none of that is an excuse for me to resign to drugs to solve my problem.
I DID buy some weight loss supplements...but not the "miracle weight loss while sitting on your ass" kind. I got the kind that "amplifies the amount of fat burned while exercising and helps increase your body's natural output of energy to help make exercising easier" kind. They come in this really pretty cheerful pink bottle that I'm hoping will make me so exited to use them it will motivate me to exercise.
I also asked my husband to please do me the huge favor of being my personal trainer by every day ordering (not requesting) me to do something active.
Wish me luck!
LittleSpastic Out.
Rule Breaker...
Dang it...
So I've already broken my number one rule for this blog: Write every day, no matter what. In light of this occurrence, I've made a decision regarding the nature of this blog. This will not be a simple documentation of one girl's daily life.
Rather, this will be the documentation of one agonizingly spastic and awkward little girl's long journey to self improvement.
*sigh*...This will be painful...
LittleSpastic Out.
So I've already broken my number one rule for this blog: Write every day, no matter what. In light of this occurrence, I've made a decision regarding the nature of this blog. This will not be a simple documentation of one girl's daily life.
Rather, this will be the documentation of one agonizingly spastic and awkward little girl's long journey to self improvement.
*sigh*...This will be painful...
LittleSpastic Out.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Rant #2
You need to watch this movie.. EVERYONE needs to watch this movie.
Just don't watch it before an event or time when you need to be positive or upbeat because after watching this movie you'll be so frustrated with how retarded and illogical our government is, you'll be a total buzz-kill for any event.
Some excerpts to get you started:
Marijuana does not kill brain cells. The scientific study everyone in the government uses to back this claim is one in which scientists gave 30 joints a day to a group of monkeys and within 9 months the monkeys had lost a significantly large number of their brain cells. What they don't tell you is that during this study the scientist put masks over the monkey's faces and gave them that 9 months worth of joint smoke in about 3 days. The monkeys' brain cells didn't die from marijuana exposure...they died from lack of oxygen to the brain. The monkeys suffocated to death.
The first law every enacted regarding marijuana was one which required colonists to grow it. This law was enacted because of how useful marijuana was for such a large variety of purposes: paper clothing rope. In fact, the Declaration of Independence (both versions) was written on hemp paper.
The number of deaths per year of tobacco and alcohol (both legal products) is through the roof. I'm not going to quote the numbers for you here because I'd have to go look them up which is dumb when you can just look them up yourself. But it's common knowledge that the numbers are ridiculous. So, it makes sense that the numbers of deaths from something that's illegal, especially something which the purpose for it being illegal is supposedly because it's so BAD for you...something like this must be killing far more Americans than products like alcohol and tobacco which are considered harmless enough to be legalized in comparison with big bad marijuana which isn't. So how many deaths per year IS marijuana accountable for?
NONE.
That's right. Big bad marijuana that is so SO bad for you that it has to be banned from the country to protect you from it's deadly effects, that is so much worse for you than alcohol and tobacco that they are still allowed while it isn't...this terrible drug kills absolutely no one. It has NEVER killed anyone...ever.
Now, just to be clear. I'm not some pot head that just wants to make marijuana easier to get. I've NEVER smoked pot in my life. So, that's not why I'm upset. I'm upset because once upon a time I was on the Speech & Debate team and as a consequence I have become a person who is, out of principal, completely intolerant of statements without supporting facts or arguments and basically anything that just doesn't make sense
AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
Okay, I'm done now.
LittleSpastic Out.
Just don't watch it before an event or time when you need to be positive or upbeat because after watching this movie you'll be so frustrated with how retarded and illogical our government is, you'll be a total buzz-kill for any event.
Some excerpts to get you started:
Marijuana does not kill brain cells. The scientific study everyone in the government uses to back this claim is one in which scientists gave 30 joints a day to a group of monkeys and within 9 months the monkeys had lost a significantly large number of their brain cells. What they don't tell you is that during this study the scientist put masks over the monkey's faces and gave them that 9 months worth of joint smoke in about 3 days. The monkeys' brain cells didn't die from marijuana exposure...they died from lack of oxygen to the brain. The monkeys suffocated to death.
The first law every enacted regarding marijuana was one which required colonists to grow it. This law was enacted because of how useful marijuana was for such a large variety of purposes: paper clothing rope. In fact, the Declaration of Independence (both versions) was written on hemp paper.
The number of deaths per year of tobacco and alcohol (both legal products) is through the roof. I'm not going to quote the numbers for you here because I'd have to go look them up which is dumb when you can just look them up yourself. But it's common knowledge that the numbers are ridiculous. So, it makes sense that the numbers of deaths from something that's illegal, especially something which the purpose for it being illegal is supposedly because it's so BAD for you...something like this must be killing far more Americans than products like alcohol and tobacco which are considered harmless enough to be legalized in comparison with big bad marijuana which isn't. So how many deaths per year IS marijuana accountable for?
NONE.
That's right. Big bad marijuana that is so SO bad for you that it has to be banned from the country to protect you from it's deadly effects, that is so much worse for you than alcohol and tobacco that they are still allowed while it isn't...this terrible drug kills absolutely no one. It has NEVER killed anyone...ever.
"There has never been a documented case of a death attributed solely to Marijuana."Yet our government continues to make it illegal. Why? Because prosecuting marijuana growers and smokers gives money and job security to cops, lawyers, judges, and even legislators.
Now, just to be clear. I'm not some pot head that just wants to make marijuana easier to get. I've NEVER smoked pot in my life. So, that's not why I'm upset. I'm upset because once upon a time I was on the Speech & Debate team and as a consequence I have become a person who is, out of principal, completely intolerant of statements without supporting facts or arguments and basically anything that just doesn't make sense
AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
Okay, I'm done now.
LittleSpastic Out.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Slow day...
Nothing special going on today kids. Work is work and so forth.
I was looking forward to a bit of a special night with my hubby. He's been bothering me for awhile to make him some enchiladas (I make amazing enchiladas according to a large panel of judges) and I've been stressing lately about some paperwork I need to take care of so last night he offered to take care of the paperwork for me so I could come straight home and make enchiladas. Which sounded like a GREAT deal to me! Now, that may not sound like a "special night" to you, but the image in my head was of me doing happy wife-like things in the kitchen and looking over the bar fondly at my darling husband at his desk doing something other than video games... But, alas, I arrived home to find that my darling hubby had spent all night and all morning playing his new video game instead of sleeping and so had just gotten in bed at the time I arrived home from work so looks like I'm all alone this evening..
But we must remember that I am making a distinct effort as of late to keep my mind on the sunny side of the omelet, so all is well ^.^
LittleSpastic Out.
I was looking forward to a bit of a special night with my hubby. He's been bothering me for awhile to make him some enchiladas (I make amazing enchiladas according to a large panel of judges) and I've been stressing lately about some paperwork I need to take care of so last night he offered to take care of the paperwork for me so I could come straight home and make enchiladas. Which sounded like a GREAT deal to me! Now, that may not sound like a "special night" to you, but the image in my head was of me doing happy wife-like things in the kitchen and looking over the bar fondly at my darling husband at his desk doing something other than video games... But, alas, I arrived home to find that my darling hubby had spent all night and all morning playing his new video game instead of sleeping and so had just gotten in bed at the time I arrived home from work so looks like I'm all alone this evening..
But we must remember that I am making a distinct effort as of late to keep my mind on the sunny side of the omelet, so all is well ^.^
LittleSpastic Out.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Consumerism for the win!
So I added a nifty little feature to my blog...just in case anyone ever reads it -.-'
It's called Amazon Associates and it lets me add to my posts a spiffy little link that leads to products on Amazon that I think you little darlings might be interested in.
Well I don't know about you but this excites me just a teensy bit. Hence I just couldn't WAIT to try it out.
So here goes my first ever angst-tastic rant on this virginal new blog of mine. Though trust me many more rants on things that grind my gears will most likely follow in the future.
Twilight, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Edward, Bella, Jacob.
!@#!$%@%$^#%^%$&^&^%^#%@#$!#@%!#%$!^!#$!#$~#$$!%$^@%@#%!!!!!!!!!!!!
...is all I have to say to that. The movies? Crap. The merchandise? Double crap. The screaming fan girls with their "Team Edward" and "Team Jacob" t-shirts? Oh please just kill me...
But that's not what grinds my gears. What really just makes me want to stab someone is that Stephanie Meyer is a good author. I mean, an AMAZING author. The Twilight series is a terrible storyline written for shallow middle school girls that will grow up to be fat and toothless, married to the alcoholic ex-quarterback with the beer gut. But her writing style is solid. Not just solid, it's absolutely addicting. Like the most expensive rich chocolate truffle ever made. I hated the Twilight story line, but that didn't stop me from losing sleep for weeks because I couldn't put the damn things down.
Now here's where it gets good. Stephenie Meyer wrote another book after the Twilight series. It's called The Host. And it's got twice as much of the rich delicious style the Twilight series packed into a yummy little sparkle package designed for someone with brain enough to know true art from mindless fluff. This story is FANTASTIC! It has everything: romance, intrigue, action, mystery, plot twists, and lots of good deep philosophical stuff that makes you question your own humanity.
This book is, in a word: Art.
Friggin read it. Just don't blame me for the temporary insomnia that ensues.
LittleSpastic Out.
Good Morning Sunshine!
UP Day.
Started the morning with a mild panic attack when I couldn't find my military ID. Article of uber-level importance for those of you who don't know. After several frenzied runs up and down 3 flights of stairs, I finally found it just in time. After that little adrenaline rush I found my self feeling oddly refreshed upon arriving at work. I greeted all my co-workers with a nice bright smile and a hearty "Good morning sunshine!"
Later I had a slight hang-up when my husband transfered all our money from one account to another without letting me know right before I was supposed to buy lunch for a friend I owed. Not cool... But he fixed it nice and expedient-like and I spent the rest of the day in side-splitting giggles with my friends and making bomb progress on my work load. Then I came home to my husband's warm snuggly embrace and we went out to do a little shopping and cash some nice checks so maybe I can buy a few of the things on my ridiculously long list of needed things.
Finally starting to see some sparkles again after a couple distinctly non-sparkly months. Now I just need for my darling hubby to get a job and the sparkles will start multiplying like horny little easter bunnies....
LittleSpastic Out.
Started the morning with a mild panic attack when I couldn't find my military ID. Article of uber-level importance for those of you who don't know. After several frenzied runs up and down 3 flights of stairs, I finally found it just in time. After that little adrenaline rush I found my self feeling oddly refreshed upon arriving at work. I greeted all my co-workers with a nice bright smile and a hearty "Good morning sunshine!"
Later I had a slight hang-up when my husband transfered all our money from one account to another without letting me know right before I was supposed to buy lunch for a friend I owed. Not cool... But he fixed it nice and expedient-like and I spent the rest of the day in side-splitting giggles with my friends and making bomb progress on my work load. Then I came home to my husband's warm snuggly embrace and we went out to do a little shopping and cash some nice checks so maybe I can buy a few of the things on my ridiculously long list of needed things.
Finally starting to see some sparkles again after a couple distinctly non-sparkly months. Now I just need for my darling hubby to get a job and the sparkles will start multiplying like horny little easter bunnies....
LittleSpastic Out.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Recent Events
So I was hoping to start writing in this blog a little earlier. As it is things have happened in recent past that would have been perfect to enter in here, so I feel the need to fill you in.
A) My darling husband changed his mind at the last minute about joining the police force and decided to get some schooling instead. There goes that extra paycheck I was hoping for. At least he's not planning on going back to being a mooching couch potato...that I know of.
B) This last weekend I was supposed to be marching in a parade with my fellow armed forces members. It was looking to be super fun. We had a kick ass float with the military band on top cranking out some wicked rockin tunes. I was really looking forward to it. I even volunteered to carry a huge backpack full of water bottles for my compatriots. This meant I had to wear a different uniform than my fellows since the uniform they were wearing doesn't allow for the carrying of over-sized packs. That was cool with me..I liked the other uniform better anyway. So I was having a great time handing out water and chilling with my pals when I get news that some higher-up with his panties all in a bunch doesn't want anyone with a different uniform in the parade. Pay no attention to the fact that it was by HIS order that I was wearing that uniform in the first place...
Anyway, so I got tossed to the curb like a sack of moldy potatoes...and while all my buen amigos got to have a rave party down main street with sick music, while they had old ladies running up to hug them and little kids looking at them like they were super heroes...while all that was going on I got to stand in creep-tastic dark alley with homeless people, gang bangers, and raging drunks, just waiting to be raped or stabbed, hoping that one of my superiors remembered to come back and pick me up.
C) A couple months ago my computer broke. So I bought my husband a brand spanking new super comp. for him to play video games on like a pro and in return he gave me his old one which was basically new and worked great...at least until he gave it to me. The day my darling hubby got his new computer he also bought a new antivirus and installed it on both computers. That afternoon I sat down, fairly quivering with excitement at the opportunity to have my own computer again. I turned it on...clicked on the internet icon...and the son of a bitch froze up on me. Now it freezes up every 15 seconds every time I turn it on, hardly works at all.
There. Now you're all updated.
LittleSpastic Out.
A) My darling husband changed his mind at the last minute about joining the police force and decided to get some schooling instead. There goes that extra paycheck I was hoping for. At least he's not planning on going back to being a mooching couch potato...that I know of.
B) This last weekend I was supposed to be marching in a parade with my fellow armed forces members. It was looking to be super fun. We had a kick ass float with the military band on top cranking out some wicked rockin tunes. I was really looking forward to it. I even volunteered to carry a huge backpack full of water bottles for my compatriots. This meant I had to wear a different uniform than my fellows since the uniform they were wearing doesn't allow for the carrying of over-sized packs. That was cool with me..I liked the other uniform better anyway. So I was having a great time handing out water and chilling with my pals when I get news that some higher-up with his panties all in a bunch doesn't want anyone with a different uniform in the parade. Pay no attention to the fact that it was by HIS order that I was wearing that uniform in the first place...
Anyway, so I got tossed to the curb like a sack of moldy potatoes...and while all my buen amigos got to have a rave party down main street with sick music, while they had old ladies running up to hug them and little kids looking at them like they were super heroes...while all that was going on I got to stand in creep-tastic dark alley with homeless people, gang bangers, and raging drunks, just waiting to be raped or stabbed, hoping that one of my superiors remembered to come back and pick me up.
C) A couple months ago my computer broke. So I bought my husband a brand spanking new super comp. for him to play video games on like a pro and in return he gave me his old one which was basically new and worked great...at least until he gave it to me. The day my darling hubby got his new computer he also bought a new antivirus and installed it on both computers. That afternoon I sat down, fairly quivering with excitement at the opportunity to have my own computer again. I turned it on...clicked on the internet icon...and the son of a bitch froze up on me. Now it freezes up every 15 seconds every time I turn it on, hardly works at all.
There. Now you're all updated.
LittleSpastic Out.
Introduction.
I'm 20...and I'm married.
I'm a hippy...and I'm in the military.
I'm a Californian...living in Texas.
I'm a registered genius...and the stupidest ditz you'll ever meet.
I'm a nature lover...who never seems to get around to spending much time in nature.
I'm an artist...who hasn't made anything artistic in months.
I'm a writer...who never writes.
My life is chaos and my entire existence seems to be consistently at odds with itself. The only thing I can think of to make my world make sense and my life seem to have a purpose is if I write about it all and at least get some recognition for all the crazy unexplainable shite that happens to me.
Enjoy! ^.^
LittleSpastic Out.
I'm a hippy...and I'm in the military.
I'm a Californian...living in Texas.
I'm a registered genius...and the stupidest ditz you'll ever meet.
I'm a nature lover...who never seems to get around to spending much time in nature.
I'm an artist...who hasn't made anything artistic in months.
I'm a writer...who never writes.
My life is chaos and my entire existence seems to be consistently at odds with itself. The only thing I can think of to make my world make sense and my life seem to have a purpose is if I write about it all and at least get some recognition for all the crazy unexplainable shite that happens to me.
Enjoy! ^.^
LittleSpastic Out.
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